Well you'd think I'd be use to assessments & appointments after all these years, however there is one type of appointment I am never prepared for. Mental health appointments & assessments. You see unlike medical appointments there is never a certain outcome. Mental health appointments are unpredictable & often disappointing, as many people are aware the NHS no longer have enough funding for an adequate mental health service.
Chronic illness often comes with a fun freebie in the form of mental health conditions. Sadly chronic illness is often isolating, painful & all consuming, this means depression normally follows in some shape or form & often at different levels. But it's always there. Even if a chronically ill person seems they are coping well its often just a front, another way of coping. Pretend everything is okay, pretend you've got it all worked out & pretend you are coping well. But I am not ashamed to say that I have a mental health issue. Anyway it's taken me a long long time to finally receive the help I've so desperately wanted. I've had to jump through many hoops, wait on lists, have various over the phone assessments & constant appointments with the GP. My hospital consultants have also realised I need help, so managed to get the hospital psych team to write a letter of support for me. So after months of waiting i've finally got an...........assessment.... Thats right an assessment, I've effectively got my foot in the door & this meeting will either open the door further or have the doorman chuck me to the kerb. So you see there is so much pinned on this assessment, this is the future either with or without support. The woman I'm meeting will listen to everything I have to say & then she gets to judge. Am I consider bad enough in her eyes to receive help or am I not bad enough & told to return to my GP. You see I believe that there should be a specialist service or team designed to help chronically ill people with their mental health. Sadly this will probably never happen..there isn't even enough money for basic mental health support, let alone a specialist group! But thats why I'm worried, I'm scared I won't appear depressed enough, I'll put on too much of a brave face, I'll sugar coat my words like I do for so many but most of all I'm afraid I won't say the right things in the time I have. Never before has an hour been more important. I've already got a chest infection which have required lots of IV medications to treat. What if brain fog descends? What if I forget to tell them the things they need to hear? What if I put my front on? What if the woman thinks I'm coping just fine? I could go on.... But I can't. I must stay calm & collected, I must show her that my life is most certainly not okay at the moment. I must accept I need & want help. I need to show her that there is some big issues in my life. But most of all I must just show her myself.......
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About MeI'm Kate. A chronically Ill person just trying to live life the best I can. Please join me on my journey! Don't be afraid to ask me things :) Archives
May 2017
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