Im only 20, I should be out partying, meeting up with friends, starting work or going to uni. But I'm not. I'm stuck mostly at home alone. There are too many days where I just stay in bed. You see being chronically ill is an inconvenient & lonely affair. I found that was the case especially after my feeding tube was fitted, people just started disappearing.
It hurts me a lot to see my friends moving on with their lives and going to university. I will admit I'm jealous of their lives, but no matter what I will always be happy that my friends have these opportunities. To them they wouldn't think anything of it, its just life. But to me it feels like a world away. Even when they come back home they seem to be too busy to meet or I'm too unwell or tired to go out. However I believe that it's not always their fault......... I believe that people become scared, worried or anxious when they see their friends with chronic conditions. They feel completely helpless, all they can do is watch you decline. That must be so difficult, to see your friend hurting & being unable to do anything about it... They then see you struggling so don't feel they can offload their issues as they don't want to make things worse for you. That means they stop confiding in you because they don't want to be a further worry in your life. They then unhelpfully don't want to ask questions or cause issue. They don't want to bring up topics which they think will be a problem, they stop asking how you are & then they stop inviting you out. Apparently having a feeding tube means that people believe I can no longer be anywhere near food. Then you get to a point where you barely speak, then they use distance. They feel like they are not good enough, not supportive enough & cant help you enough. They get scared so they run. This past year has been difficult, full of challenges & completely life changing. I have had to fight so hard, I feel like I'm constantly struggling to keep my head above water but I have found support in my online community. I owe so much to three people particularly, these people have saved me, cheered me up & supported me everyday. They have unconditional love & support for me. They are all chronically ill themselves, this means they are fully aware how I feel & how challenging life can be. Without them I don't know where I'd be........ I then have my online support groups that help with various different things. I am part of support groups for people with feeding tubes, people with chronic illness, people who suffer from gastroparesis & many more....... Chronic illness can destroy life in so many ways, but I can't let it destroy my life.....Every individual is plodding through life at their own speed. Today is not my day but maybe tomorrow will be.
1 Comment
Kelvin
1/20/2017 01:26:08 pm
I commented on FB Kate. I hope that your friends read this and act positively on it and reconnect to you, I wish you the best. xx
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About MeI'm Kate. A chronically Ill person just trying to live life the best I can. Please join me on my journey! Don't be afraid to ask me things :) Archives
May 2017
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